August Birthdays - Carmen

Carmen at about seventeen at the very left. Next to her Mutti, Josefa and Sonja

Carmen's birthday was the 6th of August, just three days after Franz'. 

In 1960, on Carmen's 15th birthday, we didn't have the plate full of sand with a candle in it anymore. This day was a Saturday, so we didn't do much. Carmen put on her prettiest clothes and combed her hair, and we had breakfast. 

After breakfast, before Vati went outside, Mutti said "Happy Birthday," and gave her a shopping bag. We all wished her a happy birthday too, and then Vati went to open up the merry-go-round. 

Carmen opened the bag and found a new skirt and blouse inside. "A tight skirt," she said. "I have to try it on. Can I?"

Mutti told her to hurry. While she changed, Josefa and I cleaned the breakfast dishes. Mutti went out to open the shooting gallery.

The rest of the day we worked in our different attractions, Carmen wearing her new outfit. 

Sunday, too was a workday for us, and by Monday everyone had forgotten about Carmen's birthday.

Carmen today

The next birthday in August was on the 20th. More about that tomorrow!

August Birthdays

Here Franz is ten years old

In our family in the 50's and 60's, Augusts were always special. Not only was it the warmest month in Germany, but also we had four birthdays that month. 

Franz' birthday came first, on August 3rd. I remember Franz's 4th birthday. At that time, in 1954, much of Germany was still in ruins, and food was still hard to come by. 

After lunch, Mutti brought out a tin plate she especially saved for birthdays. It was filled with sand and had one large candle brightly burning in its center. Franz got to stand on a chair and blew out the candle. 

We all wished him happy birthday, and then came the special treat. Mutti had found a fresh bar of chocolate somewhere. She held it in both hands and reached it to Franz who reverently took it.

Franz got to open the paper around the chocolate. He broke a four-piece bar off for each of his siblings.When all his sisters had their share, he had two four-piece bars left for himself. And that was his birthday present.

Tomorrow I'll recall a special birthday for the next person who had a birthday in August.

Come to Lehi Today!

Sonja Herbert is signing copies of  Carnival Girl at Costco's in Lehi, Utah, today.

Read Carnival Girl and learn about an unusual childhood and Sonja's search for God in an atheistic family.

Our caravan home around 1958

Book Signings at Costco's in Orem!

Come and see your favorite author!

Some of my family's attractions, around 1958

Article from the Mormon Times

Here is the article from the Mormon Times of August 16, 2012, retyped for your convenience:

Traveling the countryside with a carnival in a tiny caravan home, Sonja lives the only life she has ever known. 

In her mind, Sonja dreamed of living in a real home with her five siblings instead of the nomadic traveling live she has in the present.

Sonja lived in a world of post-World-War II Germany, and the dreams are usually only found in one's mind and heart. 

One day, the 14-year-old Sonja meets some Mormon missionaries and something in her soul begins to whisper to her. Gaining a testimony that the missionaries' message is true, and acting on that message becomes a life challenge. 

In a grand tale of human drama and a coming-of-age experience, Sonja's story of discovering a faith she embraces and her devotion to God inspires courage in following one's own convictions no matter the cost.

The author and her five siblings were raised in a caravan, traveling the carnival circuit. She joined the LDS Church, married, and immigrated to the United States. She received a bachelor of arts degree at Southern Utah University in Cedar City, and a masters of arts degree from Brigham Young University in Provo. 

 Herbert, a Provo resident, has raised six children, taught school and English as a second language and currently is a freelance writer. Her website is germanwriter.com.

_ Becky

Robinette Wright

Carmen

 From Left to Right, Sonja, Carmen, Josefa, in 1964

When my oldest sister was a teenager, she spent weekends working with our father and weekdays working for a small publishing company.

After a few years of this, and no boyfriend in sight, Carmen decided to take matters into her own hands. She put a personal ad in the monthly newspaper dedicated to the traveling entertainers of Germany, called The Artist's World. 

She got one response and replied in turn.

One Saturday afternoon, I heard a knock at the door. Carmen, all dressed up in her nice dress, make-up in place, ran to the door, took a deep breath, and opened it.

She led a cute young man into the living room. His black hair was slicked back and brown eyes sparkled in his animated, handsome face. Carmen introduced him as Manfred to Mutti, Josefa and me. 

Manfred was outspoken and charming in contrast to my rather quiet sister. After he'd talked to Mutti, Carmen invited him into her room and they visited for a while.

Before he left again, he asked Carmen for a date for the next week. Carmen accepted.

He left, and Carmen returned to the living room with a big smile on her face. She turned to Mutti and said, "He is the one for me. I'm going to marry him."

And she did. Carmen and Manfred have been married now for over 45 years. They ran their carnival attractions until they retired, and Manfred still goes out and works for other carnies for two or three weekends each month, even though he is now close to seventy.

As a young man, Manfred inherited a house from his aunts, and there he and Carmen raised three children. None of their children stayed in the carnival business, but they all did well in life. Carmen has two grandchildren. She still lives in the same house, and sometimes accompanies Manfred on his weekend travels.

 Carmen today at 66

Book Signings at Costco!

Hi!
I hope you all had a lovely weekend!come and see me this afternoon at Costco's in Orem, Utah, and get your copy of Carnival Girl signed!

We had a one hour power out, so this is late, but it's still time to come and see me!

A Book Review for Carnival Girl

The Mormon Times, a part of the Deseret News paper, published a new review of Carnival Girl yesterday. However, it's only a printed review and can't be found on the Net, so I don't have a link for you. I don't even have a picture, since I wasn't able to get a copy. Let me know if you have one, or if you're read it. I'd love to see it!

Sonja

 Sonja in 1967, right before her mission 

When Mutti and Vati divorced, Mutti moved five of her six children into a large apartment in a nearby small town. About that time, Sonja quit working in the factory and was hired as a housekeeper by an older couple who both were doctors and had their offices on the ground floor of their home. Sonja worked as a housekeeper for several years.

At twenty-one, Sonja was called to serve a 25 month mission in Germany, on the Dutch border. She returned, moved to Frankfurt, and got hired as a secretary in a small travel office. At twenty-three, she married a US soldier, Gary Towne, in the London, England Temple, and two years later moved with him to the United States. After Gary was released from the Army, they moved with their first child to Provo Utah, and three years later moved with two children to Manti, where Sonja lived for sixteen years and had four more children. She also started attending Snow College in Ephraim.

Sonja received her Associate in English and Foreign Languages, divorced Gary and moved with her six children to Cedar City. Two years later, she received a BA in English, German, and Spanish, and a teaching certificate from SUU.

Sonja spent three years on the Navajo reservation in Monument Valley, teaching high school, then returned to Provo, where she attended BYU. There, she met and married Ken Herbert and a year later, received an MA in Language Acquisition.

Three years later the couple moved to Oregon , where they raised the last four of their children. 

Sonja today

In 2007, With the youngest of their children happily at the university, Ken and Sonja moved to Germany to get to know Sonja's family again, and to find her lost younger brother. They returned to Provo in 2009, where Sonja finished her memoir.

Sonja has lived an interesting life, and believes that she will write at least one more memoir. Stay tuned!

Josefa

Josefa at fifteen, and our Mutti

Until she was eighteen, Josefa worked at Atwoods architectural company during the week and with our Vati on weekends. Then she moved to Switzerland to be a nanny, after that to England, also as a nanny, and then to Paris, where she studied French. 

Before taking her interpreter exam, however, she returned to Germany, where she started attending classes for preparation to attend a university. While there, she met and married Alfred and quit going to prep classes. She started traveling with Vati again on the weekends, to make money and help out. 

Alfred and Josefa were married five years when she met an older man, an engineer who had just designed and built Vait's latest merry-go-round. It must have been a whirlwind romance,  because shortly after they met, she packed up her stuff while Alfred was at the university, finishing his classes for the day. When he arrived he found an empty home and a good-bye letter from her.

As soon as her divorce from Alfred was final, Josefa married Dieter  and helped him raise a son and a daughter from a first marriage. The daughter died shortly after, and Dieter and Josefa decided they wanted a child together. But that never happened. 

Years later, when Josefa was forty and had been married to Dieter almost twenty years, she thought she had started menopause. She went to the doctor, who shook his head, then grinned at her. 

"You're not in menopause," he told her. "You're expecting."

Josefa's lifelong wish came true when she was forty-one, and she became a mother to Theo, a very sweet young man now.

Josefa today

However, after the birth of the baby, Josefa's second marriage, also, deteriorated. They are still married now, but live separate lives in their big house in Bruchsal. Josefa does not want to change things, but when she visits any of her siblings, all she does is complain about her husband.

Josefa's son Theo at fifteeen

Franz

After the family separated, twelve-year-old Franz had to stay with his father, who never praised or complimented him, and always demanded perfection.

When Franz was fourteen, he ran away. Vati called the police, and they caught him at the Dutch border and returned him home. I have no idea what kind of hell my brother had to go through after his return, but I'm sure it wasn't fun. For years after, Vati probably berated him and told him he was worthless.

At that time I was seventeen, and deeply focused on going to my meetings, visiting with my LDS friends, and living the gospel the way I knew how. I never realized that being there for my brother would have been part of the gospel, too. At seventeen, I assumed that everybody made their choices apart from the circumstances they lived in. I thought living with disapproving parents was normal, since I'd never had any different in my life. Now I wish I would have known better and been able to help my brother.

 Franz in 1987

As soon as he legally could, Franz left his father but stayed in the carnival business. When I visited from the States the first time in 1987, Franz had a young family, a son he treated just as cruel and unloving as our Vati had treated him, and a daughter to whom he was marginally nicer. At that time, he tried running a car tire business in the winters, but it didn't turn out too well, and eventually, after his wife divorced him, he returned full time to the carnival business.

Franz just went through his fourth divorce. His son was in prison, but now has cleaned up his life. He wants nothing to do with Franz. 

Franz in 2009

Today Franz is a hard drinking man, trying to drown his deep-seated feelings of insecurity in drink and harshness. He never learned to face his past, and like our mother, never overcame his self-loathing.

And all I can do anymore is pray for my family, and that's what I'm doing.

Have Some Fun With Carnival Girl!

Diana Ault from the blog Book Adventures is having some excitement this month. She's featuring books from twelve Utah authors. I have read several of them and enjoyed them!

The fun part is that she is also featuring twelve foods. Each one of these foods is mentioned in one of the books, and you, the reader, have to match each food to each book. Only one food matches one particular book! And for a reward, the winner gets a prize!

She hasn't said what prize yet, but I'm sure it's something really good to read. (Or maybe a really good food?)

If you love to read Utah authors, take a moment, click on this link, and play the game with her!

Book Adventures

And tomorrow you can meet Sonja Herbert again at the Costco's in Lehi, Utah, from 2:00 PM to 7:00 PM. See you there!

Finding Michael - The End

The Six Carnival Children in 1964

From Right to left: Eva, Josefa, Sonja, Michael, Carmen, Franz

I called the sisters again after Christmas. Carmen felt strongly that she needed to see him before writing to him. Josefa hadn’t written, because she didn’t know what to say and it felt funny to her. Eva had gotten my message too late, but she promised she’d write him soon.

We all agreed no to tell our mother, who is now 91, about the fact that we found Michael. Carmen thought it would unnecessarily upset her, and Eva and I agreed that if Mother knew Michael was found, she wouldn’t let it rest. She’d contact him somehow and would tell him something like how he hurt her and how she suffered when he became addicted. Josefa also agreed that mother shouldn’t know.

We never told Mutti, and we all went and visited with him before I returned to my home in the United States.

***

I’m proud of the man Michael has become. He has survived some really bad times, all by himself, he has caught himself and cleaned himself up from things that often kill, and he’s working on improving himself physically and mentally. And what more can a person do? I just hope the rest of the  family will let bygones be, and be as proud of our baby brother as I am.

Come to Costco's in Lehi, Utah Today!

Author Sonja Herbert is autographing copies of her memoir, Carnival Girl today from 2:00 PM to 7:00 PM at Cosco's in Lehi, Utah today. Come and see her there and get an autographed copy of the book and a free bookmark/study guide!

Josefa's Reaction to Finding Michael

 Josefa and I in Germany

Josefa called not long after. “Carmen called and told me you have found Michael,” she said. She wondered how I found him, and I told her.

“He really gave all us a hard time when he was young,” she said. “I remember the last time I saw him. He must have been about seventeen. Mother and he were visiting me in my new home, and while we were talking, Michael went to the bathroom and stayed a very long time. When he came back I went, and you won’t believe what the bathroom smelled like. He smoked something in there, and it sure wasn’t a cigarette. I told him that I don’t appreciate such behavior. They left, and I never saw him again.”

“That’s all over and done now,” I said. “Right now Michael needs positive contact. When you visit or write him, don’t talk about those time. He probably doesn’t remember much of them, anyway.”

“We all had our own problems then, had to worry about making a living and raising a family. We just didn’t have any time to help him. And what could we have done, anyway?”

“Just let’s be proud of him. He’s come such a long way. He’s alive, and that’s something. He’s been drug and alcohol free for years now, or he wouldn’t be able to live where he does. All he wants it to make it to his sixtieth birthday and have a big family party then.”

“I’ll write him for Christmas,” Josefa promised.

Ewa's Reaction to Finding Michael

When I went to Cologne next, I talked to Eva about Michael and showed the pictures. She knew right away who it was. Relief was in her voice when she said, “That’s Michael. I’m so glad you found him.”

“When did you see him last?” I asked.

“Our father had passed away not too long ago, and I discovered I was pregnant and got married. Things were really hectic that year. Mother moved to Stuttgart right about the time Lisa was born and left Michael in a kind of commune with some other boys. A few months later, Michael told me he had left the community and wondered if he could live with me for a while. ‘Sure,’ I said, and Michael moved in. He was seventeen and had quit school, but he didn’t have a job.” Eva sighed and went on. “I still went to school then, and my relationship with Lisa’s father wasn’t that great. In the mornings I made breakfast for all, dropped the baby off at the sitter’s and went to school. Michael did nothing, just lay around the house waiting for me to come home and make supper. When I asked him to do something, he said yes, but things never got done. After supper, he left to go out with his friends and left me with the mess in the kitchen. After a while, I couldn’t stand it any longer and asked him to move out.”

“Was that the last time you saw him?”

“No. I finished school, divorced, and moved to Cologne with the baby. Things went well for me there. I had my own place and a great job at a photo shop. I was saving to open my own shop. One day, Lisa must have been around four, Michael showed up at my doorstep, and I took him in again. He was older, and he’d changed for the worse. He still had no job, and was out a lot with friends. He did not help me at all. One day, when I came home from work with Lisa, I found him standing in the hallway. He seemed to have lost his key. I came closer and he grabbed my sleeve. His eyes were large and the pupils so distended I couldn’t see the natural blue of his eyes. ‘Let me in please!,’ he said. ‘It’s out to get me. Look over there, there it is.’ With a shaking finger, he pointed to the stairs going up. Lisa stared at his finger and started crying. That really scared me. I let him in and let him sleep it off, but the next day, I told him he’d have to find another place to crash. I had Lisa, and I needed to look out for her.”

“That must have been scary,” I said. “I can understand why you sent him away.”

“But I feel so badly now. I wished I would have been able to help him, somehow.”

“You can’t help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves. Anyway, it’s all over and past now. We’ve found him. He got off the drugs all by himself, and now we should start a brand new relationship with him.”

She sighed and gave me a shaky smile. “I’d better start by writing him a letter.”

Carmen Finds Out That Michael is Still Alive

At home, I attached two of the pictures to an email and sent them to my sisters. I wrote, they should call me when they figured out who the man in the picture was.

Carmen called two hours later. “That picture that you sent, that’s Michael, right? You found him.” Her voice wavered.

“Yes,” I said. “It’s Michael. I found him.”

“You should have warned me. You just sent it like that…” her voice broke. “You should have warned me.”

I felt bad. “I promised not to say anything to anyone, until I spoke to Michael in person. If he wouldn’t have wanted contact with you, I would have to keep this to myself. I’m so sorry I shocked you. I’ve known where he is for over two months, but I couldn’t tell.”

“It was such a shock. How is he doing? Where is he?”

I told Carmen all I knew about him, and that one would have to be careful talking with him, because he was like a child, so sensitive. He probably didn’t remember much about his bad years, and he was so proud of himself right now.

Carmen and I talked a long time. She told me the last time she saw him, her daughter, now 38 years old, had just been a little girl, and her first son a baby. Michael helped her and her husband in the shooting gallery for a few weeks, but when Manfred and Carmen asked him if he would want to work for them on a more steady basis he declined and didn’t return. “We didn’t know how heavy he was into drugs by then already,” she said. “But Eva knew.”

I Found Michael!

Michael Today

 

We arrived at the shelter’s address, and I was flabbergasted. The shelter consisted of several large apartment buildings, clean and well-kept, with lawns and sidewalks. In the main building, a small office awaited us, and the man in the office knew right away who we were and whom we wanted to see. He told us which building my brother lived in and his apartment number, and we set off.

When we knocked at his door, an older man opened the door. He turned out to be Michael’s roommate. He showed us Michael’s room, and told us we could wait there. Michael had just stepped out and would be right back. We didn’t feel good about that, and left again, hoping to find Michael outside. I walked back toward the office, and when I turned around to call to my husband, I saw a man come up the walkway. The way he looked and walked reminded me strongly of my father, and I knew I finally had found my little brother.

“Michael,” I said, ran up to him and hugged him.

“You’ve grown heavier,” Michael said. He stood back and looked at me.

I introduced my husband, and Michael took us up to his apartment. He showed us the kitchen and invited us to sit. He’d bought a Christmas Stollen especially for us, and offered to make us hot chocolate to go with it.

As we sat and ate, I showed Michael the pictures. He glances at them and asked me how many nieces and nephew he had. We counted them and came up with 15, 6 of them in the United States. Michael took a piece of paper and a pen and carefully wrote it all down. I had him write down my address in Germany and in America, too.

“I have lots to do here,” Michael said. “But I might write you.”

He told us about the community he lived with, that he went to counseling twice a week, and had taken Chinese language lessons for about eight years. “All the way from beginner to advanced,” he proudly told us.

He went downtown to the inner city two or three times a week. “With my bike, because I don’t have a car,” he said. He’d walk around and look at the people and the shops. “I get €10.00 a day,” he said. “It adds up if you don’t have much you want to buy.”

“What would you like to have for Christmas?” I asked.

“Nothing, really. I have everything I need right here.”

I offered a nice sweater, and he said he already had enough to wear.

We spent a pleasant hour, and then I could tell Michael started to worry a bit. So we took some pictures. We assured him we would write and made sure we had the right address. I told him I’d see him again before returning to the States, and we left.

Finding Michael - 5

 Michael and Vati as I remembered them

Christmas was getting closer. I thought maybe I should send Michael a package, even if he didn’t want to see me, or my husband and I could go see him, just get there unannounced.

But I reconsidered and tried calling one more time. At the very least, his caseworker could let me know what Michael needed or wanted and I would send him a Christmas present. This time, a different, friendlier, man talked to me.

“Why do you want to see Michael?” he asked, and I explained all over again that I was his sister, come from America, and hadn’t seen him for almost forty years. “If he doesn’t want to see me, I’ll understand,” I said. “But maybe you could tell me what he would like to have for Christmas, and I could send him a package.”

“Why don’t you give me your number,” the man said. “I’ll forward it to Michael, and if he wants to talk to you, I’ll make sure he will. If he doesn’t, I’ll call you within the next two hours or so.”

Not holding a lot of hope, I gave him my phone number, and the waiting started again.

When the phone rang two hours later, I knew it would be Michael. I had no doubt. I answered, and the same friendly voice said, “Hold on a minute, Mrs. Herbert. Your brother wants to talk to you.”

Michael sounded nervous and excited. When I asked him if I could visit him, and we could go out to have some coffee and cake, he told me he didn’t drink any alcohol or coffee, and needed to watch what he eats. “But you can come and visit me in my home, and I’ll have some Christmas cake for you. For an hour or so,” he added, and I knew he was wondering how I would treat him.

We made out a time the next Sunday, and hung up. All that week, I worried about what to talk to Michael about. I decided not to ask him anything about his past. That was for him to bring up. Finally I selected some photos of my children, and some old photos of Michael, and decided to tell him all about the States.