Franz

After the family separated, twelve-year-old Franz had to stay with his father, who never praised or complimented him, and always demanded perfection.

When Franz was fourteen, he ran away. Vati called the police, and they caught him at the Dutch border and returned him home. I have no idea what kind of hell my brother had to go through after his return, but I'm sure it wasn't fun. For years after, Vati probably berated him and told him he was worthless.

At that time I was seventeen, and deeply focused on going to my meetings, visiting with my LDS friends, and living the gospel the way I knew how. I never realized that being there for my brother would have been part of the gospel, too. At seventeen, I assumed that everybody made their choices apart from the circumstances they lived in. I thought living with disapproving parents was normal, since I'd never had any different in my life. Now I wish I would have known better and been able to help my brother.

 Franz in 1987

As soon as he legally could, Franz left his father but stayed in the carnival business. When I visited from the States the first time in 1987, Franz had a young family, a son he treated just as cruel and unloving as our Vati had treated him, and a daughter to whom he was marginally nicer. At that time, he tried running a car tire business in the winters, but it didn't turn out too well, and eventually, after his wife divorced him, he returned full time to the carnival business.

Franz just went through his fourth divorce. His son was in prison, but now has cleaned up his life. He wants nothing to do with Franz. 

Franz in 2009

Today Franz is a hard drinking man, trying to drown his deep-seated feelings of insecurity in drink and harshness. He never learned to face his past, and like our mother, never overcame his self-loathing.

And all I can do anymore is pray for my family, and that's what I'm doing.