Ewa's Reaction to Finding Michael

When I went to Cologne next, I talked to Eva about Michael and showed the pictures. She knew right away who it was. Relief was in her voice when she said, “That’s Michael. I’m so glad you found him.”

“When did you see him last?” I asked.

“Our father had passed away not too long ago, and I discovered I was pregnant and got married. Things were really hectic that year. Mother moved to Stuttgart right about the time Lisa was born and left Michael in a kind of commune with some other boys. A few months later, Michael told me he had left the community and wondered if he could live with me for a while. ‘Sure,’ I said, and Michael moved in. He was seventeen and had quit school, but he didn’t have a job.” Eva sighed and went on. “I still went to school then, and my relationship with Lisa’s father wasn’t that great. In the mornings I made breakfast for all, dropped the baby off at the sitter’s and went to school. Michael did nothing, just lay around the house waiting for me to come home and make supper. When I asked him to do something, he said yes, but things never got done. After supper, he left to go out with his friends and left me with the mess in the kitchen. After a while, I couldn’t stand it any longer and asked him to move out.”

“Was that the last time you saw him?”

“No. I finished school, divorced, and moved to Cologne with the baby. Things went well for me there. I had my own place and a great job at a photo shop. I was saving to open my own shop. One day, Lisa must have been around four, Michael showed up at my doorstep, and I took him in again. He was older, and he’d changed for the worse. He still had no job, and was out a lot with friends. He did not help me at all. One day, when I came home from work with Lisa, I found him standing in the hallway. He seemed to have lost his key. I came closer and he grabbed my sleeve. His eyes were large and the pupils so distended I couldn’t see the natural blue of his eyes. ‘Let me in please!,’ he said. ‘It’s out to get me. Look over there, there it is.’ With a shaking finger, he pointed to the stairs going up. Lisa stared at his finger and started crying. That really scared me. I let him in and let him sleep it off, but the next day, I told him he’d have to find another place to crash. I had Lisa, and I needed to look out for her.”

“That must have been scary,” I said. “I can understand why you sent him away.”

“But I feel so badly now. I wished I would have been able to help him, somehow.”

“You can’t help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves. Anyway, it’s all over and past now. We’ve found him. He got off the drugs all by himself, and now we should start a brand new relationship with him.”

She sighed and gave me a shaky smile. “I’d better start by writing him a letter.”