It took Jozef almost a whole day to reach the nearby city
and the bishop’s offices.
During the ride, the steady clop, clop, of his horse’s
hooves soothed his mind. The horse whinnied softly, and his mind focused on his
dilemma. Maybe he should reconsider. After all, there was no indication that
Nina loved him. It seemed rather the opposite, since she was getting married in
a few months. But somehow, this didn’t make as large a difference as he had
thought. He would always love Nina, no matter what.
He passed a farmer and his wagon, loaded with summer hay,
and smiled to himself. If he needed to sublimate his love for Nina anyway, why
should he leave the priesthood? He had security there. he knew how to conduct
the necessary rites and meetings. Also, he was reasonably good with his
parishioners, even though at times, he had to bite his lip to suppress his
impatience. To stay would be the safe way to go. Nina and her circus might show
up once a year or so, but he could easily stay away.
Thinking about doing the rites and confessions year after
year after year, the emptiness of such a life tore at his heart. He definitely
did not feel a calling for the priesthood. Maybe the bishop could help him feel
such a calling or at least clarify the path he needed to go.
Around noon, he stopped at a small guest house for some bread
and cheese, then rode on. The sun was sinking behind the far off mountains to
his side, when he rode through the outskirts of the city and knew his goal was
close. He asked directions only once, and five minutes later arrived at the
bishop’s residence.
The bishop’s secretary directed him to the stables where a
groom took care of his horse. Then the secretary showed him to a room where he
could freshen up and stay overnight. He would have his audience with the bishop
the next day.
In his room, he put down his bag and sat on the bed. He
decided to fast the rest of the day, to make his mind free for God to send him
clear direction on what he needed to do.
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