As he walked home, his mind was churning. He still felt love
for Nina, even more now that he had met her again and talked to her. He felt a
need to protect her, to be with her, to have her with him forever. Without her,
he did not feel whole.
He stopped at the door of his apartments, realizing she was
the other half of him, his soul mate. Without her, he would not be complete.
Such a love was not a temptation! It couldn’t have come from the adversary.
Jozef entered his apartments and fell into his easy chair,
hardly aware of his surroundings, still trying to figure out what to do next.
If the love in his heart for Nina came from God, what did it
mean? What did God want him to do about it?
He still had time to slip on his coat and go after her,
confront her at the circus grounds, and confess his love for her, make her see
that he was the one for her and not the other man. But what good would that do?
He had nothing to offer her. Everything belonged to the church, his apartment,
his work and his income. If he’d marry her, he’d lose everything, even the
respect of the townspeople.
He couldn’t live in the circus with her. What could he do
there? She would have to keep him, and that wasn’t right. As much as he wanted
to, he could not go after her right now. First, he needed to straighten out his
own life, and discover what God wanted for him, if it wasn’t the priesthood. He
needed to talk to his bishop.
And if it was the right path for him, he needed to leave the
church and learn a skill he could use to earn a living for a wife and a family.
Then he could find her, if it wasn’t too late, and take her
home as his.
Decision made, he arranged his schedule so that he could be
gone for a week to talk to the bishop.
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