33 -- Jozef Makes a Decision

That night, Jozef lay in bed, thinking.

He had so many questions that needed answers. Did Nina break her engagement because of him? How he wished it were so. But the last time he’d seen her, she had not been happy to see him. He had always assumed it was because she’d gotten married and didn’t want to be reminded of their friendship. What if she had a different reason? He had never thought about it, but it was possible that his friendship with Maja might have been the problem. The first thing Nina had probably seen when she came into the circus ring for her performance was him talking to, and smiling at Maja. And when he finally found her under the tree, what did he do? He never asked Nina how she was, or whether she was married yet. He instantly started talking about Maja. True, he wanted to clear up Maja’s relationship with Nina’s assumed husband, but Nina didn’t know that, and she probably could have cared less.

The more he thought about it, the more sense Nina’s behavior made. She was a woman, and she had dignity. Instead of showing her discomfort, she had simply reinforced his assumption that she was married. After all, in her eyes, he was way too friendly with Maja. So she would have let him believe she was married, to keep her dignity and let him go on with his life. What a wonderful girl she was! His heart ached for her.

Jozef turned in his bed and pulled the covers closer. How he must have hurt her!

There was only one thing he could do now, the one thing that might just possibly solve not only his and Nina’s, but also Maja’s problems.

***

The next morning, right after breakfast, he went to the big house. The butler led him into the waiting room, where Konrad, still in his morning clothes and sitting at his desk, greeted him.

He shook Jozef’s hand and bade him sit in the easy chair by the desk. “How are things going, Jozef?”

After a few minutes polite talk, Jozef said, “Is it possible that I can have two weeks off? The paper work is all caught up, and the harvest is in. There won’t be too much for me to do in the next few weeks.”

“No problem. You have deserved your vacation. Are you going to see your family?”

“I might. But first, I need to straighten some other things out. It’s possible that this will take a few days longer than two weeks. I will have to be out of town, so won’t be able to notify you quickly.”

“Take as long as you need. Your work won’t disappear while you’re gone.” Konrad chuckled at his own joke.

“I’m sure it won’t.” Jozef stood and held out his hand. “Thank you so much. I better get home and get things ready then.”

Konrad rose too. “I’ll see you when you return. Hopefully it will be before the snow comes down.”

“I’m sure it will.”

They said good-bye and Jozef left.

32 -- Jozef Hears an Impossible Revelation

Maja jumped up from the bench. “Did something happen to Wizlaw? How do you know? Is he ill?”

Jozef pulled her hand to make her sit again. “It’s nothing like that. It’s just that I know something about him.” He stopped, sighed, and went on. “He’s married.”

“I know. His wife died and left him with two little girls. I met them. It’s okay.”

“No. He’s married now, a second time.”

Maja frowned at him. “I don’t believe you.”

“Didn’t you see the wedding ring he wore?”

“I did. He told me it was from his first marriage. He took it off on our last day. He said he was finally over her and didn’t need it anymore. He’s not married. He can’t be. He’s betrothed to me.”

Jozef patted her hand. “I’m so sorry, but you’re wrong. I know his new wife. She is one of the tightrope dancers. A black girl. Nina.” Her name felt like a dagger in his heart.

Maja laughed, a delightful, easy laugh, a laugh he hadn’t expected and had thought he’d never again hear from her.

“What’s so funny?” he said. He didn’t understand. Why would it seem funny to Maja that Wizlaw was married to Nina, when it was the truth?”

“You have it all wrong, Panje Wawrzyniak. I wonder who told you such lies.”

“What do you mean with lies? Nina told me herself.” Could it really be true that she wasn’t married after all? What kind of game was she playing with him?

“Now you listen, and I will talk,” Nina said, more forcefully and animated than he had seen her in many days.

He nodded, not knowing what to think. “Good. You talk. I’ll listen, and I will talk when you’re done.”

“Wizlaw told me about his first wife. She caught a fever last year and passed away within months. Wizlaw missed her a lot, but he was also overwhelmed with taking care of his daughters by himself. You see, he has no family. His mother died when he was young, and his father shortly after. He was the only child. His wife did have family, but they all live in Germany and none of them cared enough to come to Poland when she died.”

Jozef couldn’t keep quiet, even though he’d promised he would. “It’s a sad story, but what does it have to do with his second marriage?”

“I’m coming to that. He still loved his dead wife, but he needed someone to care for his children. He came to an understanding with one of the tightrope dancers, your Nina I guess. Nina has only two brothers, and she was lonely. Wizlaw needed a wife to take care of him and the girls, so they got engaged and planned to be married. But sometime this spring Nina came to him and asked him to dissolve the engagement. She told him her heart belonged to another, and she’d rather stay single. She agreed to keep house for him and the children, but she kept living with her brothers.”

Jozef couldn’t believe what he heard. “What? Are you sure?”

“Yes. The ring you saw on Wizlaw’s finger was from his first and only marriage. And now, he told me, he’d either be married to me or to no one.” Her shoulders sagged. “And I haven’t heard from him for so long. I so hope he is all right, even if he can’t find a position out of the circus.” She sighed and gathered herself. “Panje Wawrzyniak, you won’t tell anyone, will you? Please? Why are you so quiet?”

“I’m okay, Maja.” He patted her hand. The wheels were turning in his head. Maybe all wasn’t lost yet for Maja. “Let me think about this some, dear child. Maybe I can do something to help you.”

“Thanks for listening. I feel so much better already. But I better go back in now. It’s been getting chilly, and I think a storm is coming.” She rose, kissed him on his cheek and left.

31 -- Maja Confides in Jozef

Maja gave him a wan smile and nodded.

Jozef smiled at Maja. “I haven’t seen you for a long time. How are you doing?”

“Not too well.” She sighed. “I don’t know what’s the matter with me. Ever since the circus left…”

Jozef waited, but she didn’t say anything else.

One of the gardeners walked past them on the path and doffed his wide-brimmed shady hat.

Jozef wished him a good day, and Maja smiled at him.

 Finally Maja spoke. “Panje Wawrzyniak, you used to be a man of the cloth. Can I depend on you to keep a confidence?”

“I consider myself your friend. I would never let on to anyone that you confided in me.”

Maja sighed. “Something happened to me when the circus was in town. Do you remember the man who greeted us during the break in the performance?”

Oh, yes. Jozef remembered him. The man with the wedding ring. Nina’s husband. “Yes. I do.”

“I saw him, and something happened to my heart. After he left I couldn’t concentrate on the show anymore. Later, when the boys had that ride on the elephant, I saw him again. He came up to me and we talked. It was an instant connection.” She smiled a wan smile. “Nobody knows what I’m telling you now. Please don’t say anything to anybody.”

Jozef didn’t know what to think. He pushed back his concerns and decided to just listen. “I won’t. I promise.”

“After that, we met every day, a ways outside of town. Wizlaw and I just talked, but I was so happy to be with him. I never felt anything like that before. On the last day we met on that small path that goes up to the large tree on the hill behind the circus. I was sitting on a bench and he sat next to me.” Maja folded her hands in her lap and smiled. She looked a lot happier than just a few minutes earlier.  “He confessed his love for me. He said he would try to find work somewhere else, because he was sure my father would not accept a circus man for me. Jozef, he made me promise not to tell anyone of our engagement.” She took a hitching sob. “Then he left. I haven’t heard from him since.”

Jozef’s mouth fell open. What could he say? On the one hand, he could understand Maja’s sudden love for this man Wizlaw, but on the other he was outraged to hear of Wizlaw’s betrayal of both, Nina and Maja. This wasn’t right. Maja needed and deserved to hear the truth. If he, Jozef, told her, she would eventually forget about Wizlaw and go on to live a, if not happy, at least contended and peaceful life. If he didn’t tell she’d die of unhappiness and melancholy. Because she was like Jozef. Once her heart was given to someone, she would never love any other.

He looked at the fisted hands in his lap and spoke. “Maya, I have to tell you something about this man, this manager of the circus, and you won’t be happy to hear it.”

30 --Jozef Goes for a Walk

Jozef closed his ledger and looked out of the window. Gorgeous sunshine played on the red, brown, and yellow leaves of the aspens and maples. This might be the last beautiful day of the year, so Jozef decided to take advantage of it. He shrugged into his light coat, grabbed his hat, and went out for a walk.

On an impulse, he veered into the large decorative garden of the estate, watching the sunshine on the last asters, which lit up with their dusky colors. Ahead of him, he saw a lone figure sitting on one of the benches lining the path.

As he got closer, he recognized Maja.  Good. Maybe this was the chance he’d been looking for the last two weeks. He stopped in front of her, removed his hat and bowed. “What a lovely day. Do you mind my sitting with you for a while?”

She gave him a wan smile and nodded.

29 -- Jozef and Konrad Talk

A month later Jozef was sitting at his desk, trying to concentrate on the numbers of this year’s harvest. His mind kept skipping to the disaster at his last meeting with Nina. He tried to think of nothing and doodled on a piece of scrap paper. A knock sounded on the door.

His man Mariusz opened the door.

Konrad stomped in, rubbing his hands from the late autumn cold outside. Jozef rose and glanced at what he had doodled. It was a round face, laced with black curls. Large dark eyes looked at him from the paper. He grabbed it, wadded it up and threw it into the waste basket.

In the living room, he bade Konrad sit in the easy chair and offered him a drink and a cigar. They smoked quietly for a while. Eventually Konrad asked, “How are things going so far, Jozef? Are you happy with us?”

Jozef wiped a sad memory from his mind. “You don’t have to ask. I love the work and I really enjoy your family. I couldn’t be happier.” He was lying, but it was a lie intended to cheer up Konrad.

“And I’m happy with you.” Konrad fell silent for a few puffs. “Jozef, you’ve been a priest, so I know you can keep a confidence. It seems not everything in the family is developing as it should.” He bent forward. “Don’t get me wrong. We’re all delighted at Sylwia’s and Karel’s engagement. He’s a nice young man and will make her a great husband. And his father’s holdings will provide her with everything she’ll ever want.”

“I always knew that Karel would be a good match for her,” Jozef said. “How is the rest of the family doing?” He thought of Maja who had lost weight in the last month. She was pale and quiet, not at all like she used to be. He hoped she wasn’t ill.

Konrad bent forward in his chair. “It’s Maja who worries me. For a while, Bolek Kaczka from the Kaczka estate across the river was coming around. We all thought he came for her. But ever since Sylwia’s engagement right after the circus left, she’s been avoiding him. I don’t want her to end up an old maid, but it looks that’s where she’s heading. Bolek would make her a good husband. He’s a little older, so he would be patient with her. He isn’t wealthy, like Karel’s parents, but he’s well off enough to give her a good life. And I’m sure she would learn to love him. But every time I broach that subject, she starts crying and runs to her room. I just don’t know what to do.”

Jozef had been wondering about her too. She hardly came to see him anymore, as she had done so often before. “Have you sent for the doctor for her? She might be ill.”

“The doctor declared her healthy, just in a fugue. She seems to be terribly sad and can’t pull out of it. And if anyone wants to talk to her, she just cries and flees. Do you mind if I send her to you? You’ve been friends before. Maybe she’ll open to you.”

Jozef could so understand her. So often, if he wasn’t careful, he felt a similar sadness come over him, a feeling that he had made a terrible mistake, and that his life would now be devoid of meaning and happiness. He nodded. “She is my friend. I’ll try to talk to her. But don’t send her. Just tell her that I’m lonely and would love her to visit for a while.”

Konrad stubbed out his cigar and rose. “You have made my heart lighter. Just talking to you helps me sort things out in my own mind. I will do as you suggest.” Already at the door, he turned and looked Jozef in the eyes. “And, if she’s partial to you, I wouldn’t mind at all. You’re a good fellow.”

Jozef chuckled. “We’re good friends, that’s all. I think neither I or you have to worry about a development in that direction.”

“However this will develop, I trust you’ll do the honorable thing.”

Jozef once had thoughts about Maja, but that was before… He couldn’t go in that direction now or ever again. And he was pretty sure that Maja, if she ever had designs on him, had forsaken that idea. Or had she? He’d just have to wait and see. He held out his hand to Konrad. “You can rely on that.”

They shook hands and Konrad left.

28 -- Jozef and Nina Meet Once Again

That night, as he finished supper, he was still wondering what to do. He couldn’t just approach Maja. He had no right to do that. On the other hand, he really wanted to know what was going on with Maja and the circus manager.

Finally he decided to try to talk to Nina one more time the next day, the last day of the circus’ visit. They would have one last performance in the early afternoon, and then pack up and leave. If he could just talk to her, maybe he could figure out what to do.

The next day, after stabling his horse at the pub, he decided on an impulse to go to the tree first. After all, every time he’d met Nina, it had been on the last day of the circus’s performances, and under a tree.

He climbed up the small path and saw a female form reclining against the tree. It was Nina!

He stepped closer and his shadow fell over her. She looked up and he sat down next to her. “So we meet under a tree once again,” he said.

She did not smile. “What happened to you? Are you not a priest anymore?”

“I never felt the calling, and I finally decided to leave the priesthood.”

“What are you doing for a living now?”

“I’m the manager for Konrad Bukowski’s lands in this area. I really like this job, Nina. It makes me feel the way the priesthood never did. I work with the local people, and I know I can help them. I keep the books and other affairs in order. It comes easy to me and I enjoy doing it. I’m so much happier.” Jozef realized he was rambling on, but he felt that he had to justify himself and his decision.

Nina said, “I’m glad you’re happy. I have to go now. We’re leaving soon.”

As Nina rose, Jozef remembered Maja and the circus manager. “I have this friend, Maja. She is Konrad’s daughter.”

Nina tensed. She turned to him, her eyes flashing lightning bolts. “As I told you before, I’m married now. It’s better if I don’t ever see you again. Good bye.”

Jozef knew that he’d said something wrong. It’s just that Nina had his heart beating so fast, it seemed he had a fever. His mind was muddled, but he felt he needed to warn her and figure out what had happened. He tried again. “Just a minute. I saw Maja with your husband the other day. I just wondered…”

Nina fled down the path before he could finish his sentence.

27 -- Jozef Sees Something

For the next several days, Jozef rode his horse to the city every day. He timed his rides so he’d arrive right after the afternoon performance. In town, he stabled his horse at the pub’s stables and walked to the circus grounds, where he watched the happy crowds leave, and the artists mingle for a while before getting ready for the next show.

But he never saw Nina. On the second-last day of the circus’ visit, he walked up a little ways from the circus compounds, to a large tree. He sat underneath it and watched the circus people get ready for their next performance, hoping that maybe she’d come to the tree, since they’d met under a tree twice before.

Instead of Nina, however, he saw someone else. Or more exactly two someone elses. A young woman came up the small path, arm in arm with a faintly familiar man. Jozef recognized Maja, and, as they came closer, the man also. It was the manager of the circus, the man who had held Maja’s hand for such a long time during the performance.

What was this man doing with Maja? Jozef had seen the wedding ring on his finger, and as far as he knew, Nina was that man’s wife.

He slipped around the tree, so they wouldn’t see him.

The man pointed to a bench along the path. Maja sat down, with him next to her. He turned to face her and took her hand. His face was closer than it should be.

Jozef was outraged. Nina deserved better than a philandering husband. And what was Maja doing? She, also, knew better. She knew her family would never allow her to be with someone from the circus, even though Konrad was a very gentle man in many ways. And, Jozef could not imagine her looking for an adventure that way.

He strained to hear them, but they were too far off, and spoke to quietly for him to make out what they said.

He stayed quietly behind the tree until the two rose and walked back down again, then, he too left for his horse, deep in thought.